Pre-Match ‘Advice’

Cave Woman – What’s the scores in the doors?

Me – We won 2-1, I’m not sure how my body is going to survive tomorrows game!

Cave Woman – Boom.  You’ll survive, no gypsy shagging and some beige food and you’ll be ace.

Jan or Man?!

Furby – ooo ooo ooo great Jan or Man over there in the corner

Me – Where

Furby – Grey jumper, short dark hair

Me – That is a young boy

Furby – What?

Me – That is a child.  I think you need some time off from our game playing I’m getting concerned

Dangers Of Playing ‘Child or Dwarf’…

Furby – Dude I totally forgot to tell you… Had the WORST child or dwarf experience in Superdry yesterday. She was thumbing through the clothes on the rack outside the changing room, and I was hesitant about approaching her because she was just so short. Then I noticed that a lady was already asking her a question so figured it was alright. I sidled up to her and quietly asked if she had this shirt in a smaller size, silently congratulating myself for speaking normally… But apparently Superdry do not, in fact, have such a great equal opportunities policy because she was not a dwarf. She was a child. And the talkative lady was her mother. I died.



Why Would I Give Up Chocolate For Lent?!

HM3 – Right I’m just going to eat all that chocolate in my room

Me – I don’t think you should do that

HM3 – Why, why, WHY NOT?! I don’t even know why I did this, why would I do this? I don’t even know what lent is about, I’m not religious, I don’t know why on earth I let you lot bully me into doing this…AND WHY DID I GIVE UP CHOCOLATE? How stupid am I? What am I going to do in New York when I look at all the puddings, the chocolate brownies and the chocolate waffles oh god chocolate waffles. Why why why?!

Ponderings

Hubby – I’m just spending some time thinking if I want to sick up this water I just drank

HM2 – Would you like me to put my fingers down your throat

Me – That is gross

HM2 – You’re right I would only do that if I was drunk