Shakira Shakira

Half way through Zumba class

HM3 – I do not look like Shakira

The Pull

‘The pull in my shoulders has become strong, I try to twist away from it, but the more I fight the harder I am pulled back, the resistance too great.  My skin is tight, I can feel it being torn.  I wonder how long it will hold before it surrenders and tears, before the muscles are pulled from the bone, the skin ripped from the muscle exposing me as I really am, over flowing with feeling – no blood will pour from my veins.’

Outburts

Me – I’m concerned about your outbursts

*having just had a tic tac box thrown at me across the desk…entirely unprovoked*

Dezza – Outbursts of sheer regret and annoyance

Me – Ok maybe we need to talk about this…

Broody Millionaire

Quote from this evenings Secret Millionaire Channel 4

‘I never really wanted marriage and children, I have an allergy to children.  There was a period of 10 days in my thirties when I was broody, but I say it’s like flu, I got over it’.

Detox

Me – Day 1 of detox tomorrow

HM3 – What does that mean?

Me – Well I’m cutting out all bad foods and drinks for a week, chocolate, crisps, caffeine…

HM3 – So are you just going to eat water?

Don Draper Meets Frank O’Hara

Man Men’s  Don Draper recites Frank O’Hara‘s Mayakovsky

‘Now I am quietly waiting for the catastrophe of my personality to seem beautiful again, and interesting, and modern. The country is grey and brown and white in trees, snows and skies of laughter always diminishing. Less funny, not just darker, not just grey. It may be the coldest day of the year: what does he think of that? I mean, what do I? And if I do, perhaps I am myself again.’

The Changing Pressures Of The Office

This office suppresses me, depresses me.  My god this office can suck the life out of you.  No windows = no natural light, fights over the air-con so we either freeze or boil, fights over the coffee – who gets the last cup because no one can be bothered to walk upstairs and get another one ‘you know I can not bill for walking upstairs to get a cup’.  The odd scrap over computers, laptops, memory sticks because, after all, ‘my work is more important than yours!’   This appears to be the mentality our department has taken on, once there used to be a feeling of one for all, and all for one, we helped people out because we WANTED to help them, nowadays we help people out to help ourselves because we NEED to, for billing.

The pressure for everyone has changed, which creates frictions, self-preservation kicks in and everyone is out for themselves, yes they will say they want to help out because they wish they still could but at the end of the day they will help out when they too can gain from it.

It is sad that this is what it has come to, but that is the way our work is being driven.  Once upon a time we were a small company fighting to make it big time, we were a family and we needed each other.  Now we have made it the expectations change, the pressure is piled on and you find yourself fight against the people you were once fighting for.

Burning Bright

You called to me when my heart was dark and made me burn like black fire, light and dark at the same time.  The more time I spend with you the more the light of the flames engulf the dark and I am burning bright.

The Jezabels – Disco Biscuit Love

Leave your head in the cloakroom, and leave your heart at the door

The Hard Facts

Whilst out for a drink

HM1 – Have you seen the girl he is with?

HM3  – She’s a dog

Me – Let’s not be judgmental ladies

HM3 – I’ve seen her face, I’m not being judgmental

How To Feel Good About Yourself – HM1

On returning from Zumba

HM1 – Honestly you will feel good about yourself like that *clicks fingers* I have never seen so much camel toe

Who’s Who with HM2

Me – Which one is she again?

HM2 – The Christians in sport one

Me – Yes but what does she look like?

HM2 – Um

Me – Dark Hair

HM2 – Yeah

Me – Little

HM2 – Yeah

Me – Doesn’t look like a Christian?

HM2 – Well she doesn’t hang a cross around her neck all the time

Me – Yeah I know who you mean

The Rhythm of my Mind

All my thoughts dance around each other in a haze of uncertainty, each hiding behind a mist which prevents me from seeing them for all they are.  They flit backwards and forwards in time with the rhythm in my mind, never staying in one place long enough to be clear, to be understood.  I let them fly for it is so very hard to capture one, to hold it down, I am never quick enough.  Soon I am left unable to truly comprehend what it is that is dancing around my mind so I let each feeling that partners each thought waltz back and forth through the haze and hope that it won’t last too long, that soon there will be another song, another dance, another partner, another feeling

The Cure!

Me – Oh I am just about to learn how to treat homosexuality, I’ll be able to ‘cure’ us before we know it

Cave Woman – Oh that will be brilliant

Me – I think so

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Cave Woman – I listened to a podcast about these Nigerian women who were completely conned into going to Italy because they were put under a spell by this man who practiced something called ‘juju’ which is basically some witchcraft he made up.  They got there and were forced into prostitution and told they owe 35000 euros. This is a sick world

Me – Scary.  But seriously juju?!

CW – I know.  One woman had to have sex 10 times a day for 7 years to pay it back

Me – Right I’m not being rude or funny but who calculated this debt? Surely they would just continue to increase the interest and they would never be freed.

CW – They aren’t, it’s still happening

Me – Ok so all that sex didn’t actually cover her debt?

CW – You need to put it in iTunes, called ‘unreported world’

Me – I will check it later but along with my degree it may push me to hate the world

CW – Well both are nearly over…hopefully your degree before the world ends

Me – Hope so

Homophobic Lazy Cow

HM3 – Can someone please shower me, make my bed for me and put me to bed

SILENCE

HM3 – Apart from Lowry

Me – Homophobe

Boobs Dance Moves

Boobs – I can salsa better than a Latino whore

Conversation with HM1 and HM3

Following HM1 consuming 2 cans of strongbow (It was a classy day)

HM1 – I could never be you’re girlfriend because I’m too stupid

Me – I think the fact you are heterosexual might be more of a problem.  Also you are not stupid

HM1 – Think about it, you would get so frustrated at me

Me – No I would continue to laugh at you.  Anyway you aren’t stupid at all you are just a little lacking in common sense

HM3 – I’m dumb at common sense

Me – Those words make no sense