Why I Love my Housemates

Message from HM3 – I just want to say have a great time in Barbados. HM2 make sure u tell Lowry she looks good in her bikini and Lowry don’t let HM2 be arsehole all the time or go on porn.

First Rant in a While – Student Fees

First rant in a while comes in relation to student tuition fees, having not agreed with the way in which some students (and more likely, a few randoms) saw this as an excuse to get enraged and start throwing the odd punch and anything else they can get their hands on, I have remained quiet (other than the odd inter-friendship group debate).  Yet I have to say it infuriates me.  Having decided to enter education much later than the norm, giving up my income was a difficult decision enough, let alone the amount of consideration I would had to have given the decision if fees had been what they are now.

University has been an incredible experience for me, despite my doubts when I first made the leap back into education, and I have found myself loving learning and developing knowledge in an area I am very passionate about.  It is an experience that ALL should be entitled too, not only those whose parents can afford to subsidise them, or those who can acquire sponsors.  For many the sacrifice of giving up an income or merely the consideration of the, now overwhelming, debt they will leave university with may be a huge put off.  Now I appreciate that for many University is an obvious step from school or college and often is done without much thought for other options, I know I was in a very small minority not going to University straight from my school.  But should it really come down to finances to decide who is ‘entitled’ to that experience?  What about those with children, families to support?  Yes there are additional bursaries but with the increase are they ever going to be enough?
Whatever a person’s reasons for going to university I truly believe it is an enriching one, whether it be in terms of social skills, presentations skills, confidence, developing understand of yourself, the best way you learn, learning to have and to voice opinions, developing understanding and knowledge in areas of interest, use of the library and other learning resources, planning, learning to budget, and other skills to aid moving away from home and into the ‘real world’.   As well as skills in hunting down the discount sections of Sainsbury’s or Tesco’s, time keeping (with Sainsbury’s ‘taster’ sessions, nothing like a free picnic), developing the ability to stomach Tesco’s own vodka, understanding why ‘Home Bargains‘ is in existence, why it is big and clever to run around the athletics track naked at 2am, tolerance (when you are woken at 4am because your housemate ‘had the shitest / best night ever’ and needs to tell you about it NOW).

So upon reading about the governments new White Paper of which the title is ‘Students at the Heart of the System’ I found myself thinking, why wasn’t this always the main focus?  The suggestion being that the student is now a customer and entitled to demand value for money.  So was I and all the millions of students to attend university before this date not entitled to such demands?  Only recently I found myself questioning my ‘value for money’ upon attending my first lecture of the semester and being told ‘you don’t really need to bother coming to these lectures’ unfortunately that particular lecturer was correct, I probably would have learnt more from home, however this was very much a one-off the huge majority of my lecturers were fantastic, encouraging, passionate and inspiring.

A personal favourite section ‘The Office of Fair Access (Offa) will have its resources increased and monitor the plans and targets universities must set for attracting students from disadvantaged backgrounds if they want to charge more than £6,000 fees’ I’m biting my tongue about this section.

Are we going to find ourselves in the position of students applying to institutions based on what they can afford, rather than the course most suitable or the best in that specific area of study?  Will we find we end up like the supermarkets, with only 5 or 6 big names?

It seems the focus is not at all the students but profit and by trying to place power in the hands of those students able to pay…who knows where the government maybe taken.  I find it saddening that many will have to miss out on  an enriching experience, at whatever stage of their life, due to money.

Hello ever-increasing class gap

Meat Fingers

Peahead – I don’t want pork fingers, I’ve already got beef fingers

Lowry – Fair

Evian Baby Inside

Love this – Inner baby has got some moooves!

“It takes blood and guts to be this

cool

but I’m still just a cliche”

Skin – Skunk Anansie – It Takes Blood and Guts – Paranoid and Sunburnt

Wet Weekend

Mother Hen – I’ve had such a wet weekend, even my waterproof trousers are no longer waterproof

What a Gent

Cave Woman – I’ve just come out of ASDA and this guy said, to who I assume is his girlfriend “God I could fucking rape you sometimes”. That’s nice isn’t it?

Lowry – What a lucky lady to have such a nice chap as a boyfriend

The Wisdom of Age

While at Wimbledon next a group of young girls bragging about their ownership of Roger Federer’s autograph..

Peahead – I’m actually quite jealous

Lowry – Let them enjoy it, they are young and have a lifetime of misery ahead of them

Peahead – True. In 10 years they will be sat here drinking cans of strongbow for breakfast, and screw top wine from a Morrisons bag for lunch

Fill The Gap

During a game of ‘fill in the missing lyrics’ in particular Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl

HM3 – The taste of her cherry chopsticks

If you find something that makes you happy, do it,

everything else is just background noise

Harsh Reality of Speed Bumps

Cave Woman – I went over a speed bump today and felt my belly fat move.  Instead of dealing with it I decided to just tuck it into my belt

Age Confusion

Lowry – How old are you again?

Hubbie – 24 *pause* Am I?…Wait …er… maybe I’m 25 …Um…Oh God I actually don’t know

Lowry – This whole memory problem of yours has got a little out of hand.

Selling For Free

Northern Monkey – They are selling free cans of monster outside

Lowry – You mean they are giving them away

NM – *confused face*

Hell Explained

University of Arizona Chemistry mid term:-

Question – Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct….. ….leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

Revision

Parental Digs

Text from parents

Dad – As your mum ‘can’t remember’ when you said your exam was this week I’m hoping this is early.  Good Luck as you approach the last couple of hurdles

Me – Thank you! yes you are in plenty of time-it’s on Friday, then Thursday next week.  Bless mum she has a lot of people to keep up with.

Dad – It’s mum here, I did get it right!

Me – Never doubted you

For You

To the best friend a girl could ask for…

I believe I will miss you for the rest of my life, time without you feels wasted.  I am my true self when in your company and I believe I bring out the same in you.  I laugh thinking back to when we first met, but I knew there was something special about you right from the off, and there certainly is.

It’s difficult to explain to you the impact you have had on my life because I’m not sure you have any comprehension of it.  You were the first to encourage me to be whoever I am, because you led by example on that one.  You gave me confidence in the quirky, weird ass parts of myself and taught me to understand that they are the things that people love in me.

I would not change you for the world, you are a truly wonderful creature and not having you in my life every day makes life that little less inspiring.  But that’s ok, because having you in my life at all has brought more light, possibility and freedom than I ever could have dreamt of.  I hope one day to meet a soul mate, equal to the standards you have set, to spend the rest of my life with.

I will always be here for you, wherever in the world you are.

Furby’s ‘your mum’ Rage

Furby – ‘I just read your blog…I’M GOING TO KILL CAVE WOMAN AND HER MINI GIRLFRIEND THAT SHE NAMED AFTER MY MUM’

Cave Woman’s response ‘Hahahahahahhahahaha. Shit that reminds me, I’ve not checked on Pen all day’

Furby’s text to Cave Woman – ‘You fucking cock’

Diet Time?!

I looked at this …..

… And then looked at my stomach, before thinking ‘shit I really shouldn’t be drinking this’

Projectile Vomit at the Wedding

Cave Woman – Dude I am hanging like never before.  I projectile vomited down the stairs at the wedding reception and all over someone’s car.   God I haven’t eaten anything yet, feel like I might vomit again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Cave Woman – Bob just text me and there are loads of people outside our house having a BBQ, slagging off the lesbians at no.6…..We are the lesbians at no.6, how rude!

Me – Get back there and defend your honour

Homage to Jeanette Winterson

‘How did you do it? Write about me having never met me?  I open the pages of the book and what is written are my desires, my dreams, my fantasies…my imagination’

Feel For The Boyfriend

HM3 – I get nothing but hassle from my boyfriend in the morning

Me – What do you mean? Does he wake you up or pester you for sex?

HM3 – No *sigh* he’s up wanting to make me breakfast in bed

Me – Get a grip

Twix Rejection

On offering ‘albino‘ half my twix

Albino – I’ve seen better fingers

Self Reflection

Dezza – I have curiosity problems
Me – You mean you’re a nosy bitch!