Hi Ho Hi Ho it’s off to Kili We Go

Hi all,

So i’ve done it….I’ve started knocking things off my bucket list!

Check out my just giving page to see how I am in the extraordinary position of being able to push myself to achieve new challenges while helping an incredible cause.

http://www.justgiving.com/claire-lowry

Through Elise For Life the aim is to raise £1m for The Christie Hospital, where they carry out ground breaking work in Cancer research, while offering huge amounts of support and treatment to those who find themselves in the position of being diagnosed with this awful disease.

http://www.eliseforlife.org/

http://www.christie.nhs.uk/

Thank You

Cavewoman had a dream….

Another genius text conversation with cavewoman

CW – I was at work earlier and passed some milking cows and I actually thought-wow it’s so much better to be a milking cow, you get to eat none stop and then someone plays with your boobs in the evening without fail

*moments later*

CW – in fact are udders the equivalent of boobs

Lowry – I do worry. I guess they are more nipple than boob, just really big dangly ones.

CW – like yours

Lowry – I have beautiful nips

CW – Gaybian

Lowry – Homophobe

CW – can’t quibble at that

And off we go back to our days

Because I’m 4 and I can say whatever I like

More special moments from my glorious nephew…

While sat eating a muffin, directs at his uncle:
‘I’m keeping an eye on you’

Sat in the chair opposite me with his legs up on mine:
‘why are your legs so wobbly’….. (probably from all those muffins)
Later followed up with
‘Mummy’s got big wobbly boobs’

Luckily mummy wasn’t there to hear this

After dropping his ball on Nana’s plants:
‘Nana’s very fussy about her garden’

To his mum:
‘how did you grow up before me?’

‘Nana what are these?’
‘those are my marbles’
(at least she knows where they are)

Next birthday I’m going to try saying everything I think…

Veet For Men … Hilarious Reviews

Some of the funniest reviews I’ve read for a while…

http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK

A personal favourite…

‘The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing’

Prizefighter – The Eels

My hero Mr E supporting an impressive beard!

 

More ‘Wise’ Words From Cavewoman

CW – It’s always great to start a new relationship by imagining someone else when you are having sex

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In relation to Channel 4’s Living with the Amish

CW – I wouldn’t mind the lifestyle but i’d still want to go out on a Friday get totally fucked up and shag someone

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CW – How do ugly people get pregnant and have children?

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The little conversation had while watching ITV’s A Night With Beyonce (the family version!)

CW – Mate, wait for this bit

Lowry – Fuck me

CW – Oh my god

Lowry  – Quick rewind it…REWIND IT!

CW – mmmmmmmm

Lowry – Shit

CW – Can we watch that bit again?

Lowry – YES!

CW – Ergggg

Lowry – Are you drooling?

Lowry – This is insane

CW – She has fat knees like me – she’s brilliant

Lowry – Curving hell

Lowry – Did you see THAT!

CW – Oh gwaddd

CW – Shall we watch it again?

Lowry – alright

Pearls of Wisdom

 

Jewish or not, everyone should learn from these gems…

Party In My Stomach

Jim Breuer

It’s Only a Game Show…

Hilarious answers on game shows

Family Fortunes

Les Dennis: Name a bird with a long neck.
Contestant: Naomi Campbell.

Les Dennis: Name something associated with pigs.
Contestant: The police.

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University Challenge (My Personal Favourite)

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for ‘cherrypickers’ and ‘cheesemongers’?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Jeremy Paxman: No. They’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you

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Beacon Radio (Right up there!)

DJ: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Contestant: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

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Richard and Judy

Richard Madeley: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Contestant: Forrest Gump.

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The Weakest Link

Anne Robinson: Complete the title of the well-known play, The Iceman…?
Contestant: Melts.

Anne Robinson: What was the sequel to the movie I Know What You Did Last Summer?
Contestant: I Know What You Did Last Winter.

Presenter: What B was a pseudonym used by Charles Dickens?
Contestant: Bart Simpson

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National Lottery

Eamonn Holmes: What’s the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.

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This Morning

Fern Britton: Which actress starred in Sleepless in Seattle and When Harry Met Sally?
Contestant: Tom Hanks.

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Late Show

Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.

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Blockbuster (A close second!)

Bob Holness: What K is a suicide mission for a pilot?
Contestant: Kama Sutra

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Sara Cox (Radio 1)

Sara Cox: Beauty is in the eye of the…?
Contestant: Tiger.

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Viking FM

Presenter: Who was the Prime Minister before Tony Blair?
Contestant: George Bush.

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BBC Radio Merseyside (Another favourite)

Presenter: What was Hitler’s first name?
Contestant: Heil.

Must Be Love

Lowry – Do you think he likes you?

Nut – Well he did ask me out on our lunch break once when we were at school, and he brought me a Curly Wurly because he knew they were my favourite

Lowry – Sorry, he asked you out with a Curly Wurly at school?

Nut – Yes

Lowry – Right, must be love

Lowry – How many years ago was this?

Nut – About 5

Oh Furby

Furby – So there’s this girl who I have a massive crush on, standard, and she offered to give me a lift to the station tonight.  Obviously I jumped at the chance, and while in the car launched into standard small talk by asking what she does for a living.  ‘I run a personal training business’ she said, and showed me her card with the website on it, ‘you should have a look’.  Instead of responding with something supportive or witty (either would have been appropriate), I came out with ‘nice URL‘. What is wrong with me?

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Furby – Most depressing email ever: ‘Diva magazine is now following you on Twitter‘

Lowry – hahahahahahhahahahahahahahjajahajahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahjajahahahahahahahhaa *breath* hahahapapphhhhaanahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha

Furby – Knob

Loving Strangers – Russian Red

Conversation You Wish You’d Never Over Heard

This conversation was from my mum’s side of a telephone call. There are somethings you don’t need to hear come from your parents mouths…I think these are some of those things.

Mum – ‘Ooo stop it..sorry he’s trying to put pegs on my nipples’
*laugher*
‘my husband!…..oh no there’s no tassels’

Friendship

‘When you’re sad, I will help you get pissed and get the bastard that upset you.. When you’re blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.. When you’re scared, I will rip the piss out of you until you’re not .. When you’re worried, I will tell you how much worse it could be until you stop moaning… When you’re sick, stay the f..k away from me & When you fall, I’ll laugh my head off’

What Are Boobies?

These lovely comments came from the best person I know in the world, my 3 year old nephew….

While eating lunch he turns to his mum…

Nephew – I’m finished darling

While being told off…

Nephew – *in cute voice with puppy dog eyes* But I like you

While playing cars…

Nephew – What are boobies?

Sat in the lounge after dinner…

Nephew – It’s got dark love

iTube / YouTunes

Mother – Yes it’s that iTube thing

Lowry – Do you mean YouTube or iTunes?

Mother – Oh yes, one of them

Dirty Dream Number 2

Belle and Sebastian – Dirty Dream Number two, from the album ‘The Boy With The Arab Strap’

 

Surf and Turf

From Campus Channel 4

Matt Beer – Trust me, I’ve been inside more women than I have newsagent, think surf and turf

Flatpack – What, is that a sexual thing?

Matt Beer – Um, no.  Women are the sea, the surf, their minds are always shifting, their bodies like the tide are ruled by the pull of the moon.  Now women have

Flatpack – What big nipples?

Matt Beer – Some of them, yeah.  I was thinking more, you know, hidden depths where dark and dangerous things lurk, but in their shallows you’ll be safe

Flatpack – Ok so I’ll just keep it shallow then

Matt Beer – Well I never go in deeper than my knees but if you want more you have to be prepared to venture out of your depths, where in all likelihood you will get sucked down by a vicious undercurrent and get swept out into the endless black ocean of the female psyche, where…sadly you will drown

Flatpack – Fuck

Matt Beer – Yeah

Flatpack – So whats the turf bit?

Matt Beer – Right that’s us, men, thick solid sods of earth that get under your nails, what you see is what you get

Evian Baby Inside

Love this – Inner baby has got some moooves!

For You

To the best friend a girl could ask for…

I believe I will miss you for the rest of my life, time without you feels wasted.  I am my true self when in your company and I believe I bring out the same in you.  I laugh thinking back to when we first met, but I knew there was something special about you right from the off, and there certainly is.

It’s difficult to explain to you the impact you have had on my life because I’m not sure you have any comprehension of it.  You were the first to encourage me to be whoever I am, because you led by example on that one.  You gave me confidence in the quirky, weird ass parts of myself and taught me to understand that they are the things that people love in me.

I would not change you for the world, you are a truly wonderful creature and not having you in my life every day makes life that little less inspiring.  But that’s ok, because having you in my life at all has brought more light, possibility and freedom than I ever could have dreamt of.  I hope one day to meet a soul mate, equal to the standards you have set, to spend the rest of my life with.

I will always be here for you, wherever in the world you are.

The Start of Campus

Can not wait for the start of Campus on Channel 4 tonight, need something to fill the gaping hole left by Green Wing

CCH This One Is For You…

So I have got slightly carried away in finding laughter in the world mainly through the rather comical moments of my housemates and others.  But this blog was initially set up through inspiration of my highly cynical friend CCH….Well following a little reminder from a friend ‘the furby’ I have a little story for you

Check out the story of Jen and Matt … http://themuffatron.tumblr.com/

Now CCH I’m sure there is something about this story that you will find to pick out but I have to say having a friend who had been through a very similar situation and knowing how important the love of her partner was while she was away, I have to say this story brought a little tear to my eye.

So lets just enjoy that one for what it is ♥

My Date For Wednesday Comes In The Form of Dolorean

…and I can’t wait

Embrace The Love…And Have No Fear

Todays post is somewhat inspired by a friend of mines blog…we shall refer to her as the ‘Welsh One’, in which she discusses her desperation at the British male population, particularly following a holiday in which she encountered a new concept of ‘man’.  This is added to by my somewhat avid viewing of pretty much any offensive American drama…The OC, Greys Anatomy, Private Practice, Greek, Six Feet Under, Dexter, The L-Word, even at a very low point 90210…I have discovered the answer to the problem.

Honestly

This is what it all comes down to, such a simple basic human mechanism that so many of us fail at.  Granted watching these shows would be somewhat dull if we had to spend half our time trying to work out what each character was thinking, yet we do it in our everyday lives.  The fear of honesty, of perhaps putting ourselves out there and the biggest fear – the loss of pride – prevents us, I believe, it achieves much within a relationship.  I can accept like anyone it can be a daunting experience but if you don’t try you never know, if you never give you never get back…. and in reality what do you have to lose?

Now I do very much believe there is a line between over sharing and expressing ones self, and I appreciate that there are some that have difficulties with this area more so that others.  I by no means am suggesting that we should give ourselves away easily however I do believe that there is much happiness to gain from learning the art of self-awareness, understanding yourself and your own feelings and therefore having confidence in them.  In reality what does worrying about what others think get you? Not what you really want, or even what you think you want.

I say we have faith in ourselves and our feelings, we become more open and we do not shame those who have the guts to do so.  You never know what you might find if you open yourself up a little… yes there is always some pain but we all experience it and it is part of life…without it how would be know what was important to us?  So be brave, have faith in yourself and know that whatever happens there will always be some good down the line.  Don’t let people make a fool of you but have no fear of making a fool of yourself…you never know what you are missing  out on.

The greatest thing I have ever learnt is to laugh at myself…..

Orgasm like Tourettes … I Can’t Stop it

I return to my bedroom to discover this little treat from HM1, when I went to question her about this she stated
HM1- ‘I’ve got problems with organisming’
ME – you mean orgasming?!
HM1- yeah…I used to always get that mixed up…did I spell it wrong
ME – no, but Tourette on the other hand..

What a treat x