Florence Welch addicted to Tina Turner’s love

Having become convinced Tina Turner could well be the answer to world peace, and that Florence Welch and I will make a fantastic lovers I am not sure there is anything more beautiful in the world that this.  The lyrical genius of Tina along with the dulcet tones of Florence….ah heaven

Pearl’s Immense Diving Skills

CCH if this doesn’t tickle you….well I don’t know what to do with you..In a clip from Soccer AM Pearl show’s how diving really should be done (the 3rd entry is my personal favourite).  If you can imagine my 6′ 4″ female friend reenacting these skillful moves, you will have gained a small insight into last years holiday….

Housemates continue to entertain

On a house trip to Manchester, which although didn’t go quite as planned, still turned out to be a rather amusing one.  Namely involving HM1 spotting Gary Neville and pretty much screaming in his face ‘OH MY GOD, YOU ARE GARY NEVILLE’ you know in case he hadn’t noticed.  Only moments earlier she had asked if you can really buy air guitars….. took me a few moments to realise this was a genuine question on her part.

This same housemate requested I explain to her to concept of the ‘compare the meerkat, compare the market‘ advertising.  Once establishing she understood that Moskat was a fictional place where the meerkats were suffering from the over use of their website, what ensued was a long a difficult conversation.  But I can rest peacefully knowing her mind is at ease when these adverts grace our screen.  I truly believe she still spends a few minutes of her day worrying for the meerkats.

It isn’t only HM1 who has these special moments

HM2 – Is it weird that I can get internet on the toilet but not in my room?

ME – No what is weird is that you are stilling on the toilet with your laptop.

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I have also taken it upon myself to try and teach my housemates some new words…yesterday it was shrewd, after explaining its meaning I suggested in the future HM1 would hope to be described as a shrewd business woman….she now thinks this means everyone will think she is a bitch (?!)  Anyway on our way home from the library I was impressed to see them attempting to use the new word (entirely out of context, but the thought was there)  This is the conversation that followed:-

HM3 – ooo what was that word again…sss s oooo sluggish??

Me – What are you talking about?

[HM1 and HM3 seem to be on the same wavelength]

HM1 – you know, the word you taught us?

Me – Shrewd?

HM3 – I knew it was some kind of animal.

[I place my head in hands]

HM3 (to HM1) – What is a shrew anyway, a kind of bird?

HM1 – Isn’t it like an otter?

ME – They are like little mice

HM1 – Oh yeah they aren’t they white?

ME – No that’s an actual mouse….a shrew is brown

HM1 and HM3 – Oh….

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And I wouldn’t dream of leaving HM2 out, because there is much more to her than her occasional toilet internet usage… Whilst out for dinner a conversation regarding the kind of dogs we would like as pets occurred.

ME – I think I’d have to get a rescue dog

HM2 – What’s a rescue dog, is it some kind of breed?

Apparently they only have pedigree dogs where she is from!!

Momus’ Cunning Plan

Through my readings today (and over active imagination) I have become convinced I am the living embodiment of the Greek god Momus. It may seem a rather rash conclusion to have come to but the more I read the more certain I become that he created me to live through on earth. I imagine it happened like this…..
While sat on a mountain on the outskirts of Mount Olympus, following his banishment by Zeus (damn him and his bearded ways), glancing over earth he thought, as a puppet master might…… I can create a version of me, a mortal version, who may live on earth. Being cunning as I am I shall make her female, that way no one will guess it is me. I shall create her with a window to her soul and she will desire to access what is in the human heart, and she will laugh while she does it….and I will sit on my mountain and laugh at her!

My first point would be Momus is the Greek god of criticism and sarcasm…my friends may suggest that is my point proven and I need not go on. And granted it was these simple points which first caught my, desperately seeking anything other than work, attention. I would suggest that further reading only went on to support my initial claim. Momus is the son of Nyx, the goddess off night; he was also the god of writers and poets.
Momus took issue with another of the gods Hephaestus, the son of Zeus, for he created the first woman, Pandora, at the command of Zeus. Momus criticised Hephaestus for not creating women with a door or window into the breast through which their thoughts and feeling could be seen (without a window to the soul). I personally think this would have been kind of handy, saved us all a bit of time. Momus also mocked Zeus himself stating he was a violent god and lusts for women (basically he was a violent dirty philanderer). The only one thing he struggled to find any reason to mock was Aphrodite (the goddess of love and beauty) although he did attempt to suggesting she was talkative and had creaky sandals (bet that one really hurt). I believe this may well be the first evidence of playground psychology, Momus wanted a piece of the beautiful Aphrodite and not being used to such feelings dealt with them in the only way he knew how, through mocking. It was because of all his mocking and criticism that Momus was banished from Mount Olympus … and this is when he had time to sit and think about his great master plan. A mortal self.

I would like to share my new found appreciation of my god self in the form of this poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox, American author and poet who wrote of optimism

Though with gods the world is cumbered,
Gods unnamed, and gods unnumbered,
Never god was known to be
Who had not his devotee.
So I dedicate to mine,
Here in verse, my temple-shrine.

‘Tis not Ares, – mighty Mars,
Who can give success in wars.
‘Tis not Morpheus, who doth keep
Guard above us while we sleep,
‘Tis not Venus, she whose duty
‘Tis to give us love and beauty;
Hail to these, and others, after
Momus, gleesome god of laughter.

Quirinus would guard my health,
Plutus would insure me wealth;
Mercury looks after trade,
Hera smiles on youth and maid.
All are kind, I own their worth,
After Momus, god of mirth.

Though Apollo, out of spite,
Hides away his face of light,
Though Minerva looks askance,
Deigning me no smiling glance,
Kings and queens may envy me
While I claim the god of glee.

Wisdom wearies, Love had wings –
Wealth makes burdens, Pleasure stings,
Glory proves a thorny crown –
So all gifts the gods throw down
Bring their pains and troubles after;
All save Momus, god of laughter.
He alone gives constant joy.
Hail to Momus, happy boy.

Cynical Cat Hater no.3…..Run Santa Run

CCH here is some more good in the world…

December 2010, in London’s Battersea Park more than 1,200 Santa’s ran, walked or wheeled themselves around 6k route in order to raise funds for Disability Snowsport UK.  Snowsport enable people to enjoy the thrill of snow sports regardless of disability.  The Santa’s were set off by Paralympian Tim Farr of the British Disabled Ski Team.  Disability Snowsport have, over the last year, opened 3 new adaptive ski schools in Hemel Hempstead, Milton Keynes and Tamworth

Cynical Cat Hater… no.2

People will always be writing headlines like this….

Cynicism killed the Cat hater….no.1

After hours sat in the pub putting the world to rights, it became somewhat apparent that there seemed little positive in the world that we found ourselves discussing.  My cat hating friend (one of the topics of rantings) challenged me to name something positive happening in the world and following my shocking ‘oh shit I’ve just been put on the spot without thinking this through’ moment I came up with having me as a friend.  Yes really that is how low I had to go.  So the challenge is now to prove to my cynical friend that there is some good in the world, that people still do nice things for each other and just maybe there is reason (other than laughing at my face) to smile.

1. On 27th December 2010 in Oklahoma a calf stranded on a frozen pond, was saved by a rancher and a rescue helicopter.  Instead of standing and laughing at the poor Bambi like skating calf, these people took it upon themselves to save the poor fellow.

I doubt this will have created a great warm glow within you all, but we are just warming up………