Skips

Princess – I’ve not had any crisps today

Lowry – ooo well done…you are starting to sound like me!

Princess – well I had skips but they don’t count because they aren’t real crisps

Mary Berry

Princess while watching Mary Berry Cooks

Mary

oh Mary

oooo Mary

oh Mary Berry!

Man Stuff

While watching made in Chelsea…

Princess – All these boys talk about is love, they are so gay. They should be talking about sport and tools and engines and bikes and DIRT!

An apple a day…

Princess – why do they say that apples are good for your teeth?

Lowry – I don’t think they do…

Princess – yeah you know ‘an apple a day keeps the..’

Lowry – doctor away?!

Princess – oh yeah.

Art & Lies

The doctor’s surgery is full of men and women who do not know why they are unhappy. ‘Take this,’ days the Doctor, ‘you’ll soon feel better.’ They do feel better, because little by little, they cease to feel at all

Jeanette Winterson

Staffing Issues

While in Japanese restaurant

Waitress – ‘I had this myself the other day and I know you think well this is like foreign food so I’m not sure if i’ll like it – but its at actually really good’

Princess – ‘Actually we quite like foreign food, that’s why we are here’

Waitress ‘oh’

Jenny Owen Youngs

I didn’t want to come out. I don’t want coming out to be a thing that anyone has to do.

A short list of things I’d rather be doing than “thinking about being gay” includes (but is not limited to) writing a song, reading a book, climbing a tree, dancing a jig, and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the zillionth time. Don’t get me wrong – I think it is in the best interest of everyone to strive for a greater understanding of the self. I just wish that being gay (or transgender, or asexual, or fill-in-the-blank here) was as unremarkable to the masses as being left-handed or blonde.”

Jenny Owen Youngs

The Straight Womans Worst Nightmare Just-Got Real Lesbiany

http://www.upworthy.com/the-straight-womans-worst-nightmare-just-got-real-lesbiany?g=2

Gay Women will marry your boyfriends

Back in the Game

Multitasking

Cavewomen – Just trying to find the definition for bell end.  I’m having a mojito

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Error

CW – Just was in a huge rush to leave the house so pretty much forgot to do up my shirt, only realised whilst standing at the bar that my tits were completely on display

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The REAL L-Word

CW – Dude i’m watching the real L Word.  Some of these girls are insaneeeeee.  I have never seen any of them in the flesh.  Where do they live

Lowry – What Channel??

CW – Hang on…they have gone from hot to crazy bitches

Lowry – Sounds like the norm

CW – I know, but hot though so you could put up with it.  it’s like the American version obvs not the dikes from London.

**Next Day**

CW – I think I’ve watched 10 hours of lesbian melodrama today.  it’s sending me more straight and mental and making me an alcoholic but it’s so addictive because these people are so ridiculous.  What have you been doing with your gay ass? And when are you coming by so we can smoke and slag them off?

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Variety is the spice of life

CW – Oh yeah, R gave me a new word earlier “jebend” i asked what it meant and she said basically bell end.  Interesting variation

“I am not afrai…

“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens”

Woody Allen

‘Twat’

David Shrigley

Giant head squirrel feeder

I merely have one question around this item…WHY did no one buy me one of these for my birthday??

Legs

Princess J -I’ve got good legs… But they can’t move right now

Veet For Men … Hilarious Reviews

Some of the funniest reviews I’ve read for a while…

http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK

A personal favourite…

‘The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing’

All Men Dream

“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did.” – T.E. Lawrence

Who am I

During a game of who am i

Troters – is it just yes / no answers? Ok am I male or female?

Fanny Bowls

Having invented the rather spectacular game of ‘fanny bowls’ to pass the time between matches while away at a tournament, I attempted to tweet

‘Nothing like a bit of fanny bowls to prepare for the game’

However being slightly distracted by the forthcoming big game what actually was tweeted read…

‘Nothing like a bit of fanny to prepare for the game’ as well as tagging my entire team in the post……

Whoops

Motorboat

I’ve had enough to know…it about the motorboat

Always Thinking…

Cave Woman – My breasts are quite big sometimes I wonder what they would look like on a small person

Outing

Afro – I think I just outed her to her work colleague

*Look over to assess facial expressions*

Lowry – I think it’s time to leave

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On coming out to our Christian supervisor

Ginge – She now knows, and as suspected I don’t think she cares

Lowry – What no exorcism?

Winky Smileys Make Me Vom

The rather flattering message received by Nut. She shared it with me in the knowledge that it is pretty much my worst nightmare from the nerrrr right through the winky smiley, phahh to the sticky out tongue smiley … Erghhhhhh! Needless to say Nut did not reply

Moving On…

While on a mock mate-date at new year

Lowry – I can’t believe she is already planning a date with someone else

Furby – You have just made a dildo hat to see how many women you can fit on your head at one time

Lowry – Fair point

To the Pub

Jelly – It looks like an inbred goblin hole

Blind Date

Hilarious story told at this years Christmas Party

“So I finally convinced her to go on this date and she rang me when she got home to fill me in. First of all he’d arrived in a very questionable outfit but she thought I’m here now I’ll go with it, and the evening had gone generally quite well so she went home with him. Upon getting into the house he striped off, totally naked, before lying down in front of the fire and cracking open a bag of cheese and onion crisps. If she wasn’t distressed enough he then started wanking off. All she could think was ‘I don’t know if it’s just different to what I’m used to but I’m pretty sure he had way too much foreskin and I could just hear it slapping around’. By this point she was rather distressed and thought it may well be time to call a cab, as she goes to leave he turns to her and says ‘Just a little tip, you may want to have a trim down there’ horrified she turned round and replied ‘Don’t worry, one day you’ll grow into that foreskin’ before retreating to the taxi giving a gleeful wave and a joyful ‘Byeee’ she hasn’t been on a date since!”