And Then You

‘And then there was you…..And you were there but I was still unsure as to who you were.  I feared the continued contradictions and chose to focus on the parts I liked and made me feel safe.  I never doubted I made you happy, I believe that was clear to see, I doubted if it would ever be enough.  Situations frustrated me, yet I understood that it is life and I have to get on with it’

For You

To the best friend a girl could ask for…

I believe I will miss you for the rest of my life, time without you feels wasted.  I am my true self when in your company and I believe I bring out the same in you.  I laugh thinking back to when we first met, but I knew there was something special about you right from the off, and there certainly is.

It’s difficult to explain to you the impact you have had on my life because I’m not sure you have any comprehension of it.  You were the first to encourage me to be whoever I am, because you led by example on that one.  You gave me confidence in the quirky, weird ass parts of myself and taught me to understand that they are the things that people love in me.

I would not change you for the world, you are a truly wonderful creature and not having you in my life every day makes life that little less inspiring.  But that’s ok, because having you in my life at all has brought more light, possibility and freedom than I ever could have dreamt of.  I hope one day to meet a soul mate, equal to the standards you have set, to spend the rest of my life with.

I will always be here for you, wherever in the world you are.

Homage to Jeanette Winterson

‘How did you do it? Write about me having never met me?  I open the pages of the book and what is written are my desires, my dreams, my fantasies…my imagination’

The Pull

‘The pull in my shoulders has become strong, I try to twist away from it, but the more I fight the harder I am pulled back, the resistance too great.  My skin is tight, I can feel it being torn.  I wonder how long it will hold before it surrenders and tears, before the muscles are pulled from the bone, the skin ripped from the muscle exposing me as I really am, over flowing with feeling – no blood will pour from my veins.’

The Rhythm of my Mind

All my thoughts dance around each other in a haze of uncertainty, each hiding behind a mist which prevents me from seeing them for all they are.  They flit backwards and forwards in time with the rhythm in my mind, never staying in one place long enough to be clear, to be understood.  I let them fly for it is so very hard to capture one, to hold it down, I am never quick enough.  Soon I am left unable to truly comprehend what it is that is dancing around my mind so I let each feeling that partners each thought waltz back and forth through the haze and hope that it won’t last too long, that soon there will be another song, another dance, another partner, another feeling