45 Years of Marriage

Dad – I wouldn’t want to miss the opportunity to have you standing over my shoulder telling me how much better I could be doing it

Parental Digs

Text from parents

Dad – As your mum ‘can’t remember’ when you said your exam was this week I’m hoping this is early.  Good Luck as you approach the last couple of hurdles

Me – Thank you! yes you are in plenty of time-it’s on Friday, then Thursday next week.  Bless mum she has a lot of people to keep up with.

Dad – It’s mum here, I did get it right!

Me – Never doubted you

Teletubbies, Sex Changes, NHS and Gingers…The Wisdom of Housemates and Beyond

So it has been a little while but I think this will have been worth the wait …

HM1 has a problem with finding certain programs and situations cringeworthy, she particularly struggles with the show ‘Take me Out’ and the shameless comments made by many of the participants, although she will watch with us there will be regular outbursts of screams of ‘Noooo!’ followed by her placing her head in her hands.  She had been at home with her parents a few weekends ago when her brother had walked in on her watching the show when he had commented how much he hated it and how cringeworthy it was.  HM2 then comments…

HM2 – I used to be exactly the same when my brother watched the Telebubbies

[Silence in the room while we all look at her hoping she will expand on this comparison…Nothing.]

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Whilst sat in the lounge

HM3 – Oh my god did you know that ginger one of Sex and the City used to be married with kids and now she’s one of those lesbians

ME – Yes that’s old news

HM3 – OH HAVE YOU SEEN HER GIRLFRIEND, ergh!

ME – One of those lesbians?!

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Prior to going on a night out with housemates, Furby and others…

Furby – I’m not going to know any of the songs tonight, I’m so out of touch with popular culture

ME – You are 24

Furby – Oh yeah

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Whilst actually out…

ME – Furby do you have any lip balm or vaseline or anything?

Furby – No sorry

ME – Why does no one carry these things around anymore

Furby – Because were not inserting anal probes

ME -What?!

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Another lounge based conversation (thinking we should have our own alternative season of ‘The Family‘ – waiting for a call from Channel 4)

ME – This really made me laugh on Kelly Oxford’s blog today…”This is so cool!!!” way to ruin a threesome

Furby – Haha yeah…”This is novel” way to ruin sex

ME – Wasn’t that when you had sex with *****

Furby – NOOOO! it was my first boyfriend

ME – Wasn’t that ruined because he had a penis?

Furby – No i actually really liked him

ME – But he had a penis

Furby – He was my best friend

ME -With a penis

Furby – I need to stop falling for my best friends, what that about? I loved all my best friends at school

ME – That’s because they didn’t have a penis

Furby – They didn’t then, and I’m pretty sure they don’t now

ME – Yes because they were all girls

HM1 – I used to go to school with a girl who had a sex change.  I used to play hockey with her and then she turned up wanting to be called Scott.  She went away over the summer and came back a boy.  I didn’t know if I should call her he/she whatever Lucy or Scott

HM3 – Scott? Surely she should have called herself Luke?

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Furby finally starts ‘making out’ with (her words not mine) new lady friend, who pauses to comment on how nice she smells…Furby’s response

Furby – I said to her “You smell like sun cream” … was that a mistake

ME – Yes

Furby – But I didn’t get chance to say it’s one of my favourite smells

HM2 appears from the kitchen…

HM2 – Can you go to the dentist on the NHS?

Whilst listening to some music…

ME – I love it when the base kicks in on this song

Furby – Who is it?

ME – James Blake

Furby – Is he a tennis player?

ME – Are you being serious?

HM2 – He is an artisit…of the music kind