A Few Special Moments from Slut

Some very special moments from Slut…in relation to bonding with the hockey team

Slut – I used to love shower time it was my favourite

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Slut – Why is nothing I want in the sale?

Lowry – What website are you looking at?

Slut – Mulberry

Lowry – Right

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

To the car full of lesbians

Slut – Can we help make a top 5 men list for me because people at work keep asking and I just have to keep coming up with David Beckham from 1998 when I used to fancy boys

Lowry – Ah the old classic, what about Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp and for the older man George Clooney…see a whole array of classics, no one will ever suspect

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Still regarding coming out at work and how she is easing them in by telling them she has one gay house mate rather than a house full of gays

Slut – I didn’t tell him I was the only one in the house with a hair dryer

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Slut – If you wake in the night to me poking you just start making sex noises

Lowry – Ok

Tongue Stabbing

During a conversation regarding a kiss shared with a BEAUTIFUL boy, which had upsettingly thrust me back to the age of 15 and the kiss that had confirmed for me that I’d rather be a lesbian that have to live through (and I was grateful to live through it) more kisses like that

Fairy – I just don’t like someone stabbing their tongue in me

And it’s a fair point, but really can someone explain this need to tickle the back of your throat with their tongue? 15 year old boy I am ready to forgive, but beautiful boy… I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed…

 

Candy Bar Girls

Lowry – Dude, I’m watching that Candy Bar show – did you see it?

Furby – Haa, no, I haven’t been at home for more than an hour since last Monday! I intend to though, is it awful?

Lowry – To be honest it’s not quite as bad as I imagined..it was a moment of acceptance for me that these are what real lesbians are like and maybe I am one of them and not my own private species of lesbian (Although I am not fully convinced of this)

Furby – Hahaha. I had a moment like that last night…think we’re just gonna have to deal with it

Lowry – But I don’t want to! However if we do maybe we will have a girlfriend that is a) actually suitable and not lacking in interesting conversation b) emotionally stable (ish) c) have an acceptable level of maturity d) not straight

Mini Gay Girlfriend

Cave Woman – Hahaha I have a new app for you called ‘mini gay girlfriend’
I’ve called my mini gf Penny

MOMENTS LATER

CW – Penny is frigid, I’ve given her loads of hugs and kisses and she still won’t go on a date with me. I have to wait a few hours. It’s a lesbian tamagochi pet, I’ll probably forget to feed her and she’ll die

Me – Maybe you are too keen, you can’t kill Penny off.

****A DAY LATER****

Me – I have myself a ‘mini gay girlfriend’ called Florence. She won’t date me…she thinks I’m rushing things. I though that’s what lesbian where in to

CW – Penny is frigid too, although I do get loads of snogs. Surely i should get a date first

Me – Yeah I reckon so. This is kind of true to life

CW – I’m going to try her now

Me – Tap that. Florence told me to try again in a few hours. She’s trying to play it cool

CW – She’s dating me! Woo!

Me – Congrats. You should probably change your Facebook status

More From Cave Woman

Conversation with Cave Woman

Cave Woman – Chamois leather face lizard psycho bitch…if that girl was Pinocchio she would be able to have sex with herself

ME – I just nearly wet myself

Cave Woman – Also bumped into ****** who seemingly has turned into a bell end also.  Talking about how she had to work at a state school for a week and how horrific it was, how the children were like animals.  Also just heard she’s engaged, yes that’s right engaged.  Fucking lesbians

ME – Until she changes her facebook status I refuse to believe a thing!

Cave Woman – Oh yes facebook that ridiculous oracle of knowledge.  I’m having a guinness to recover.