Surf and Turf

From Campus Channel 4

Matt Beer – Trust me, I’ve been inside more women than I have newsagent, think surf and turf

Flatpack – What, is that a sexual thing?

Matt Beer – Um, no.  Women are the sea, the surf, their minds are always shifting, their bodies like the tide are ruled by the pull of the moon.  Now women have

Flatpack – What big nipples?

Matt Beer – Some of them, yeah.  I was thinking more, you know, hidden depths where dark and dangerous things lurk, but in their shallows you’ll be safe

Flatpack – Ok so I’ll just keep it shallow then

Matt Beer – Well I never go in deeper than my knees but if you want more you have to be prepared to venture out of your depths, where in all likelihood you will get sucked down by a vicious undercurrent and get swept out into the endless black ocean of the female psyche, where…sadly you will drown

Flatpack – Fuck

Matt Beer – Yeah

Flatpack – So whats the turf bit?

Matt Beer – Right that’s us, men, thick solid sods of earth that get under your nails, what you see is what you get